Stuck

Last week, just a week ago I thought I had managed to get somewhere. But I was wrong.
And again they have lied to me.. "Yes, we will contact you whether you will get the job or not".

It is weird. On the other hand, I didn't really want the job. I wasn't interested.
Then again, I kind of need some job. Or what I need is money.

They made me fill out the 30 page form again in black ink. I had done it in blue. And my second crime had been that some of the boxes were crossed and not ticked.
The power of the bureacracy and the councils continue to amaze me.

I want to go home.

Definitely autumn

On Friday as I was walking home, I finally realized that it is autumn. Or fall, as I used to say.
I saw loads of leaves on the street.. yellow leaves that have fallen from trees and I felt a bit sad.
Time just flies by and I have lost track of it.

I live in some kind of anticipation. Second interview went ok-ish..
Just don't have a clue what they thought.. or what HE did. Not that I care muchos.
I wonder if my attitude and feelings leaked out, sort of in an energetic way. You don't have to mutter a word..the way you feel can be sensed any way.
I think he said they will let me know either way whether I get the job or not. By Friday.
And now it's Sunday and I still don't know.

What excites me is that a really nice looking patisseries is going to be opened nearby tomorrow.
I dream of working there, possibly.

Get well soon, Tom!

Last night, late in the evening I noticed that one of our cats was behaving a bit strangely and I thought.. oh no, not again. Well yes, it turned out to be cystitis. Just a good month after he last time was ill..
This morning I took Tom to the vet and he was admitted inside - luckily his condition was not that bad as last time (I think I have become quite an expert in reading signs of illness). So tomorrow he should be back home.

As for myself, another interview today. I travelled about half an hour by bus (so it wasn't exactly city centre, as advertised) and all in all the interview went well. Had a fairly good feeling about it and I think I have a chance.. We'll see what happens.
Decisions, decisions.. I want to trust my intuition - for example if I was to choose between two jobs. I would like to for once demonstrate that not always does a bigger salary make a difference....
It's all about what feels right and good - and also look into possible future possibilities within the company.

Daily horoscope (quickie): A good thing is right in front of you, you're not paying attention. Open your eyes.

Mercury in the 2nd House from 12.9 - 25.9.

Rain and the wheels of bureacracy

I intended to get up today at 6 (!) to bake my German Landbrot, as the dough had now fermented for long enough. That was my intention. The truth is that I got up at 9.20. It was still ok, for the bread I mean. The dough had been now fermenting for 18 hours, which is acceptable according to the recipe.
Well it was a very very sticky dough indeed. I had to add loads of flour to be able to work it.
As I had a meeting in a few hours time, I didn't have time to attend to the bread (I am talking like it is a small child) but I put the bowl in the fridge and covered it with cling film.

I guess this is what Altaf was talking about when baking rye bread....
Yes, it happened to me too but I thought I would just try to make something out of it and see what happens.. Last year I baked some French rye bread (cannot remember the name) and I think I overproved the dough, but never mind - it was still bread.

Update at 18.00: OK, the bread is finished and it looks good. Will taste it when it has cooled down a bit.

Went to the job centre today for my daily sign up and was confronted with the wheels of bureaucracy.. Apparently one of the necessary papers was sent to the wrong address.. (the woman half-accusingly said) and the decision was still delayed because of that.
Right. Back to square one. She told me I need to come back with my latest pay slip to sort it out. (even though I had provided that piece of paper in my first interview there)..
Anyway, on my way back (in the lovely refreshing rain) I popped in the chinese supermarket to get some sambal oelek, chili oil and some soy sauce. I bought a litre of it, since the consumption of soy sauce in this household is quite phenomenal....

Talked to my sister on the phone and it just lifted my spirits.. It's nice to know there is someone who is experiencing the same kind of troubles, work related or just lazing around the house, not achieving much. I promised to send some info about Bach flower drops which have helped me a lot.
After our conversation I realized how much I want to help.. Not only her, since she is my sister, but really anyone who is in agony.. Reiki would be a good thing for me, I think. The healing powers of reiki.

Yes, again pronoia spoke for itself. The universe granted me with some money found on the street :)

Cloud of confusion

It really seems a rollercoaster ride for me. Today I had a sort of a bad feeling about the job interview I went to a few days ago. It all starts really well and goes down the drain. I don't know if I am unconsciously resisting that kind of job, only being tempted by the ok-ish salary..??

My biggest problem seems to still be that I don't know what I want.
It's bugging me so much.
Things just don't seem to proceed.. Things are hanging and I am in a loop.

Well for the more mundane business.
In the process of baking some German Landbrot.. Starter nearly done, now still another 12-18 hours to go. Just got some organic rye flour and I hope the end result tomorrow will be good.

Still sunny

Got up at 8.30 (!) which is pretty early for me since I enjoy sleeping later and not having to go anywhere. Well today I had to..
The interview. At 10.30. I thought I could have walked there but I left too late and had to run to the bus stop in order to avoid being late. I don't think it would have been very good to show up late for a job interview..
There were 2 guys.. One stared at his papers continuously and hardly looked me in the eye.. and the other one was every now and then kind of looking at me up and down which made feel a bit uncomfortable. I think it went well though and perhaps soon I will get invited to the next round!

Weather is still really warm and sunny. Lovely to sit outside with a paper and feel the sun in your back.. I love it and I actually love these "lazy days" when I can just be a housewife :)

Oh crap.. The TV licence guys came knocking on the door. It means we have to start to pay.
I wanted to avoid them as long as possible but I guess they have a job to do as well.

Baked a banana bread, found the recipe from http://fromthepantry.blogspot.com/2005/06/good-banana-bread-finally_26.html.
Haven't tried this before and I thought I'd give it a go.
Unfortunately I baked it for too long and the top bit was kind of dried up and blackened. The taste is still good though!

End of

Yes.. today is the end of the Edinburgh Festivals and .. summer.
I don't like it when summer ends, because it seems to be so short anyway. I do like autumn though - lot of nice things I associate with it. Apple pie! Loads of apples. For example.
Among other things that is.

Me and R decided to go and see the fireworks, since it's just a walking distance to town anyway. The fireworks were in Princes Street Gardens but we walked to Capitol Hill. It would have been a nice view from there but you weren't allowed to take drinks there so we decided to sit on the steps that go down from Regent Street. It was a good spot! And the fireworks were very good as well.. very well done.
Champagne on the steps, watching fireworks - what better way to spend a Sunday? :)

New stuff

I really feel like throwing all my clothes in the bin and starting over again. New wardrobe etc.
It's all New energy, new times. I don't feel good in many of my old clothes anymore. They have served their purpose and should go.

As for me - again, haven't done much today. Slept late as usual.. lazed around surfing the net and finally got myself out of the house by 14.00. Decided to walk to town to do a bit of shopping.. I got some extra cash just now, which is really good.

Today I am drinking Kopparberg pear cider, which is good but very sweet. Got it from the International market which is on Lothian Road just off Sheraton hotel. Great stuff at the market.. French breads and cheeses, dutch poffertjes and then this cider! It's been a while I had it...

I cannot believe it's... September

I am starting to lose track of time. Sometimes I have to pinch myself and think hard to figure what day it is... I feel like I am turning into the Dude "err.. what day is it today??" "get a job sir!!"
Or Dudette, in my case.

Ok. It's 1.20 am and I know for sure that it is 1st of September now. Summer is officially over.
It's still here, as in warm breezes and short skirts but in my books it's start of fall.. Slowly but surely the leaves start colouring.. and falling off the trees.. The wind gets a bit colder and people start dressing up warmer. You start to consume hot drinks.. you put on your craziest stripiest socks and wish it was snowing so you could jump up and down in the first flakes of snow.

Is that living passionately? Savouring every moment as if it was your last?
I guess. It depends on what you think is passion. Some think of passion as just a feeling between two people, lovers. But it is more than that....

I could be going to bed now. I am hungry (as usual).. still need to prepare myself for Feather Islands (!).. The dreamland.. The place where it is allowed to doze off wherever you happen to be, cos everybody's asleep anyway. Ma.

Got to stop this rambling.. My mind is overfunctioning. Find it hard to relax entirely.

I think it is the anticipation.
I just said NO to the crappy admin job (crappy though I don't know much about it).
Something else for me, please. I desever better.

Good night.