Sunday, July 31, 2005

this is it

I am here now, in the cottage. It's actually a house or a flat to be precise but it will be a cottage from now on.. like living in a summerhouse or something. Kind of romantic if you make it out to be.

Was a lovely day. Hillwalking. Cried on the edge because of my vertigo. I don't know what I would've done if I had witnessed a fall, either my own, or someone else's. Life is too precious.. What a cliche..

I survived this week.... Just barely. I really went down. Everything came up... All the fears and emotions and miserablities of my life. All the wrongs. Wrong. Terrible word itself.

Peace and clarity. I still don't make much sense of things, but the cloud is moving away and the rose tinted glasses have been ditched ages ago.. Where am I?

What else than hillwalking. Talked to my sister. Talked about cancer. About crying and life ending.. being put down, about how much you have to take in this life. Congratulated my friend on her birthday.

I am into Fooddoctor bigtime.. Bought his book on friday and feel it's something I could take advice on. How akward that sentence was.

Hungry again. Probably not enough protein, would Ian say. If he was here, but he isn't.

Today I talked to an old lady who warned me for burglars. They are everywhere. They robbed her too, of her pension money that was in the wallet. Not much as an amount but the whole experience of somebody violating your boundaries, taking your stuff is hurtful, frightening too. I told her I am not Polish, as she enquired.

Bacon sandwich & tomato, slice of honey cake, steak sandwich, oat cakes with peanut butter, slice of toast with cheese & tomato, raspberries..
Oh oh.