This day was un-officially named as a 'non-day' in our humble little household - the day that never was.
Much was spent resting, eating, lying in bed, reading. Thinking. Thoughts.
Careful treading in your mind. Since I have stepped into the New Year 2007, I do consider past and present.. and of course future. As much as one could.
Stina Nordenstam is playing.. singing so softly that it's very dream like. Oh it suits today so well.
I like some of her songs a lot. Like Parliament.
Yes, it was a good day to gather your thoughts (as there was no hangover present - hurrah!).
My inner me was whispering to me gently, "do you think it would be a good time to let go of your old hurts?"
Yes.... why not. I realize a lot of my time is spent in useless hurt. Being hurt in one way or other. Being jealous. Feeling sad.
Yesterday I felt jealous.. So jealous. It took me by surprise. It brought tears in my eyes.
I went to the gym to sweat some of the things off the system and it helped a bit.
I'm not exactly sure how much of the current state can be put down to PMS. That thing I live with every month.
It's the monster that makes me feel sour. lonely. isolated. hurt. criticizing.
It's a terrible combo. I don't enjoy it.
Eat some magnesium and get over it.
I don't want to express my jealousy to him. I think it would be a weakness.
But I just don't think he knows at all how incredibly sensitive I am.. I am a true Cancerian. All soft and buttery underneath but carrying a shell of some sorts.
Would he be surprised if he knew? Why not just tell him?
Oh well.. just wait until I am post-pms and then have a look at things.